The partner's perspective on dealing with and coming to terms with their partner's diagnosis. Learning and ropes and looking forward to the future
We posed a few questions to the partner of our fellow diabetic. They were gracious enough to share their thoughts and insights.
How did you find out about your partner's Diabetes? What was your first reaction?
She told me one day in 2016. She was in tears over how she's going to deal with it, and it just came out all of a sudden. She was really distraught by it. My first reaction was just to be reassuring and say, "Okay, we will deal with it. We just have to be more aware of everything you eat, drink and do". To be fair I didn't know as much about Diabetes, but I saw (and still see) it as surmountable, and not something you have to fall at the feet of.
Did you turn to any resources after the reveal (books, videos, podcasts, articles)?
I did some basic Google searches but everything I know is because of what she has told me, her explanations and many links she has sent me. It's astonishing how little non diabetics know about diabetes outside the bare basics like insular injection and controlling sugars.
Did you have any doubts/fears when you heard of the diagnosis?
I did. But it also explained some things. Her health was always fickle, quite weak, and something I would worry about. At least now I had an explanation for it. My fears were about two things. One, if we travel anywhere, we have to be extra careful about her food. Two, she said it is genetic and aside from being passed on to kids, it may even make conception more difficult.
How do you deal with your partner's diabetic symptoms?
Firstly, just being patient. If she's feeling sleepy or tired or cranky, at least now I know there's a very valid reason. At that moment I just want to be there for her, get her to either rest, or eat the right thing immediately. To be responsible and take charge of the situation but keep my calm at every moment. In that moment only she matters.
What was the most surprising thing about dealing with a partner's diabetes?
To some extent, how sudden the reaction can be surprised me. Of course there will be some reason- she had too many sweets or hasn't eaten anything for a while. But one moment we're watching a movie happily and the next moment she's weak and needs to lie down.
Has there been a shift in the way you think about diabetes due to your partner?
Yeah absolutely. It's a far bigger deal than I thought. And it's not exactly curable, so you have to learn to live with it. That's very much possible but needs great discipline and maturity.
Have there been any missteps in dealing with your partner's diabetes?
Before she told me she had diabetes, her so called random reactions, of suddenly feeling tired, cranky, weak, when we're hanging out, would irritate me a little. Because I didn't know the reason, and a 20 year old suddenly acting sleepy and disinterested looks odd. After I found out whether there have been missteps, she's the best person to answer. I hope not.
What advice would you give to a partner who may have just been introduced to the disease?
Act as if you have the disease, not just your partner, and be responsible for your partner. This is my single guiding principle. Whenever I'm with her, and many times otherwise also, I monitor whether she's having sweets or chocolates, and actively keep tabs. So even if there's a bit of a sugar high, I am prepared for it. More than anything just be there for your partner every moment. I think that goes a long way. And lastly, while it's certainly tough, I do think with discipline, medicine and care you can lead a normal life. It's important to remember that.
About Vedashree (She/Her):
Vedashree is a market researcher by profession and believes in the synergy of the mind and body. You'll find her talking animatedly, wearing a bright lip thinking about her next meal.
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